October 22, 2006

Sodomy in Savannah!

Sexual Predators in Action

NY Times report that several rape cases have been filed against African bull elephants after they decided to sate their "animal" thirst by raping female rhinos!!!. The article adds that atleast 63 rhinos have been recently found raped and killed by these marauding bulls!. The killing, persumably, was to eliminate evidence (no one ever accused elephants of being dumb!).

I never imagined a female rhino to be a frail, vulnerable creature or a male rhinocerous to be a helpless slob who is unable to protect his partner from being dis-honoured, but i guess the difference is in the perspective!!

The article makes no mention of similar incidents involving giraffes, i imagine they have so far escaped the tragic fate due to the higher positioning of their strategic assets!. However, i would request any female giraffe who reads this blog to be careful lest the shortest among you be one day ravaged by a taller than usual elephant!

The article suggests (in an oblique way!) that the authorities are trying to keep quiet on the incidents to ward off any potential decline in tourist inflows. Assumning rhinocerous do not usually take vacaions (i could be wrong here) that would only mean Human tourists!!. Ghosh, i can only imaine the horrendous implications!!!!

When i reached the concerned parties, the Rhino association condemned the brutal acts of violence and requested death penalty for the rapists. However, YBEA (young bull elephants association) called for restraint while advocating detailed studies to get to the truth. They also claimed that several incidents were actually cases of consensual relationship but was classfied as rape by jealous male rhino's.

Interestingly, the warden of the game park denied occurence of such acts. His argument being that his wife,who looks like a rhino, has never faced any amoral advances from elephants. However, one of his juniors, who for obvious reasons didnt want to be named, dismisses that argument saying that elephants (even when mad with lust) have some taste and class!

So if any female (from rhino to humans) chances across this blog, i request them not to go for that African safari untill the rapists are brought to justice. In case, you do not wish to be terrorized to surrender your lifestyle, i suggest a bottle of Vaseline while making the trip!


Disclaimer: I guess i have to add a disclaimer here. All the events, except the original article cited, are figments of my rather fertile imagination. The article does talk about elephants raping and killing rhino's but it is a scholarly article on human-elephant conflict and related stress-induced behaviour by elephants. Highly recommend the article. Visiting Africa is absolutely safe!!!!!.

October 20, 2006

Pottanmar Pottayil!

Latest controversary in Kerala is about a police visit to the evangelical xtian enclave in Potta. It seems that the priests were operating a mental hospital without having the authority to do so. The priests say they were not operating a hospital but just a dispensary which was needed because lots of crazies visit that place!

Now thats what i would call as honesty!. Well atleast they didnt claim divine authority to operate a mental hospital!

Anyways, the opposition is crying violation of constitutionally guaranteed protection of minority interest (to do what eh?) and xtian organizations are darkly hinting at global repurcussions (mebbe the pope will step in to deal with the un-godly commies now that he has deftly dealt with the muslims!)

Actually, the govt should immediately grant them a license (and if necessary even the funds) to set up a much much larger mental hospital. Where else would you get such a large congregation of crazies who love to be treated and brainwashed!. I am not sure how they would react to mass shock therapy. But having heard about the skills of the pastors out there, i wouldnt be surprised if they manage to portray shock therapy as a kind of self-flaggellation necessary to "experience" god.

Note to NTPC: Do set up required infrastructure to supply some serious hi-voltage power to Potta!

October 15, 2006

Wheres the party tonight?

Mumbai was partying hard on friday...and i hear NYC and London were no different.

Sensex closed at all time high on friday and Bloomberg had perfect timing when it hosted it's annual party - well actually they got lucky..the party was planned much earlier. I was one of those clients who were graciously invied for the "rocking party". Commuting from Powai to Worli is no fun, even if the traffic is in the opp direction and unlimited booze awaited us at the end!. The party ofcourse was celebration time, footsoldiers of the stock market trooped in straight from dalal street (the generals ofcourse had their own plans!), but the party mood was dampened by unfavorable sex ratio (no...i dont mean the "sex" ratio..rather the % of females in attendance to the total crowd!). Dalal street, it seems, is only slightly better than an engg college in kerala in encouraging gender diversity. To be honest, the booze was good, dessert even better and we did celebrate the sensex (afterall which punter can resist a free drink?).

Once we were loaded up with all the booze we could hold it was time to make good our escape (but only after bloomberg dutifully collected our visiting cards..guess i will have to replace my office no soon!).A long time resident of Worli suggested Hard Rock Cafe for the music and the "crowd"...never been to HRC hence decided to check it out...Music was horrible (more like soft rock!!) but the scenery was good though very crowded!

Lcation of HRC was even more interesting...one side of the road were the slums and on the other side was HRC (i think it was set up in one of those old textile mills). As we got out of our cars (past mid night) the smell of urine got thru even our alcohol-dulled sensory system. On the opp side were mini-skirted drunk PYT's deftly stepping aside sleeping bodies on their way to party. As good as a "contrast" that i had ever seen. Smart kids were running brisk business selling smokes. i am sure some of these will end up as billionaires in the not so distant future. After all they have the energy, after a day of hard work (unlikely any of them are attending school), to stay awake and continue on a second job late in the night that too with a smile on their face!. Kids, the world belongs to you (not to the pudgy techies nor to the obese punters!), you shall inherit the earth while we moan about over-work, office politics, crumbling infrastructure and torn social fabirc etc etc blah blah!.

I staggered home early morning and completed the usual practises of a party night, basically calling up all my married friends on their mobile/land line and wifey's phone (if they were stupid enuff to give me that!), made sure that their wife's will be sulking the entire weekend and thus they will eagerly await a monday!

But before i drifted off (with one of those wifey's gently remonstrating about my lifestyle!), i thought about the "India story" (yeah when i am drunk i think of stock markets...i am a pervert!!!..i am coming out of the closet here!!!!).

How could it be that if India is on a "secular bull run", Sensex and Dow Jones hit all time high's on the same day??

Well...wotever..atleast i knew where the party was tonight..and i was even invited!!!!!